It's the end of August and it's such a beautiful day . . . nice to see the sun shining and the weather still pretty warm! I spent part of yesterday afternoon on my deck, both in the shade and in the sun. Summer has been way too short for me this year with moving and getting settled into my new place -- I really look forward to next year when I can spend a lot more time on my deck, working on my tan!

I went back and read my last post, and it was obvious I needed to vent. It was a bad day, and we all have them but boy, do they suck!! I'm glad I survived yet another encounter with attitudes and assumptions and still came away more sure of myself than ever.

Since then I've officially started calling my "ex" just that, out loud in public . . . it's a sign that I'm ready to move on. I don't think I'll ever totally recover from the experience, it's not like footprints in the sand that just get washed over -- it made more of an impression on my heart than that! But I'm on the right road when I can live most days not wondering what I did wrong. I did as much as I could and that's the most I can ask of myself, I'm only human.

I have quite a few boxes to unpack to totally get my new place in order, but this weekend I had a moment where I was totally sure I did the right thing, buying the place I did. A few people have asked me if I could handle being out there all by myself, and I'll admit there are moments I'm lonely -- that isn't a function of where I live, that's a function of where my married life took me. But I have to say that so far I love opening the windows in the evening and hearing the crickets chirp. Even though I HATE moths it's my light they're fluttering around, and if I want to see the Milky Way in all it's splendor (or the lights of Dakota Dunes across the river!) I just have to turn that light off . . . there aren't streetlights or anything that prevents seeing each and every star. Yesterday when I laid on the deck in my bathing suit I didn't have to worry about a neighbour seeing me, and when I was picking weeds in my shorts and halter top I didn't worry about who would see the extra pounds I carry in all THEIR splendor!! Okay, that last comment is just me being self-conscious about my body . . . but the point is I have this space and it's all mine.

I know I probably sound pretty selfish . . . . all this talk about "my" stuff and "my" space, but right now that's just what it is. I would love to share that with someone, since I know I wasn't meant to live alone, and when that person comes along I'll love them enough to share it all with them. Hopefully that person won't take it personally when I call it "my" place but if they do, that's on them -- that's their attitude about it. And that might be my first clue as to whether that person is the one for me or not. That person won't be the kind that worries about "ours" or "mine" or "his" but is willing to share it, whatever it's called!

I have so much love to share with someone, and it's hard being patient waiting for the next one. But I know he's out there, just like I know I'm in here. Someone else will appreciate me just as I am, with the family I have and friends I spend time with. Faith and hope will sustain me, as always.