It's Christmas Eve, and I'm tired. I'm so tired, I don't even know where to start. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally tired. Thankfully my brain is still functioning and is keeping me breathing and moving. I have a holiday from work next week, so the physical part of me can rest, at the very least.

It's been a busy few months; I took a part-time job in late-summer so I could pay my car loan and still have a life. But taking that on has added a constant "to-do" each week, and even though I enjoy the work and the people, it is indeed one more thing to do. I don't get a full weekend to re-charge or to go away, and every week I have one evening that is already booked. I know it's necessary, but it's just one more thing. And I'm reaching my limit on "one more thing".

I talked about being aimless a while back, and I still definitely feel that way. I've felt like things will never get better in my life, and I'll be in limbo for another year. But . . . I've decided I won't let it, and I have direct control over that! I'm tired of waiting for an answer. Tired of waiting for someone else to tell me where my life might be going. Tired of waiting for a glimpse of the way things were. I'm totally realistic in knowing my life will never be the same again, regardless. I am -- quite honestly -- okay with that. I'm ready to move on, wherever that might be. But it does make a difference if someone plans to join me on my journey.

I'm very tired of analyzing things. Even though I'm a self-professed control freak and I like to plan, I can only do so much. I think I need to spit out that extra bite I can't chew anymore  . . . and then not worry about whether that's okay with everyone else. I'm tired of trying to figure out my husband. I don't know where things are going to go, but I think I'm almost done trying to figure it out. I don't even want to try anymore, that's how done I am.

The other times this year when I've had a week to myself, I've been able to work out what is important to me and move on. I think I get so tired, I need the time to recharge. So that's my only plan for next week!

If anyone is reading this, happy holidays. 2011 will be a better year.