It's just one of those days . . . . those days where you don't want to be at work, you don't want to be at home, you don't want to be alone, you don't want to be with people. I don't think I want to curl up in a hole and shut everything out or go out and party either. I feel aimless and like I'm not sure what to do next.

I usually like to know where I'm going, how I'm getting there, how long it will take, the usual A-type personality stuff. But I'm changing lately and some days I don't know if that's a good thing! Feeling aimless doesn't upset me, doesn't make me feel lost or sad; it just feels like nothing, and that's the part that worries me I guess. Shouldn't life be full of something . . . anything? I most definitely can do without drama, guilt, sadness and stuff like that, but at the same time I expect those things will come along from time to time. And I'm a natural planner, it keeps me motivated, thinking of the future, about things that are yet to come -- I don't think that will ever change in me. Up until recently that's how I've operated and it's worked! But today, it's not working.

I know that part of the problem is that I'm not able to envision where my life will be a year from now. We have our house for sale and without a vision of where I'll be after it's sold, it's hard to be motivated about my life. It's not looking like the market will bear us an offer soon, so it's like being in limbo, and it's not comforting. Not upsetting me, but not giving me warm fuzzies either. I've looked at other houses in town to buy, ready to pounce and make an offer once we sell ours, but that excitement is wearing off too . . . especially when I heard my top pick has an offer on it! Maybe that's why I'm kind of blah today, it's like an opportunity has been plucked from my grasp. That said, I feel like my life has been plucked as well.

So I'm trying to figure out the best way to get through this day, this week, this month . . . I mean, there's always somewhere to go, something to do. But I still want to feel like I have some aim (the opposite of aimless? direction?) that puts me in a good place, and not just physically, but emotionally as well.

I think I have to put it in the hands of God, in my spirit, in faith -- and hope for the best. The worst that can happen is that I'll be in the same place tomorrow, next week, or next month, and realize I'm still stuck here! Maybe there will be more clarity, maybe not. But it will be real, and it will be me. The most I can ask.