Sitting here today I'm reflecting on how my life is going. I must say I feel like its going well . . . and it helps that over the past few weeks I've had people commenting that I seem happy/happier, that I have my "sparkle" back, among other things. It's confirmation that I've made some good choices with what fate and life have dealt me.

Today I saw a quote in a magazine:
"We all have to work for happiness. And you cannot listen to other people. That is the worst mistake you can make. You've got to listen to the universe, to life, to God, whatever you want to call it. Because it's going to speak to you."

This statement appeals to me because in the past (and present) I worry about pleasing everyone, doing whatever I can to anticipate the possible outcomes and prevent the worse-case scenarios. I take input from those I care about, my past experiences and what I personally hope to achieve and come up with a plan. I do know -- however -- that in the end I will do just what I want to do!!! This is the way I am, always has been. And fortunately, or unfortunately, I've raised kids that do the same thing. I guess it's served me well for the most part, and when it hasn't I've learned from it and moved on.

What I've pondered quite a bit the past few years is how fate and making choices are related. I've always believed that I make my life what it is, that it's my decisions that shape me -- that I don't let chance or "fate" rule my world. Yet I have a degree of faith in the fact that things will be just as they should be . . . that things happen for a reason.

A friend of mine last night pointed out that he doesn't plan, he just wings it. I was quick to point out that I, in fact, tend to plan things. But I also said that I've realized life is short and I'm trying to be more spontaneous. It IS more fun sometimes! I do know that in certain situations planning is vital, and very necessary. For instance, about 21 years ago I was 18, pregnant, and in my first year of technical school. I wanted to have the baby and still be able to finish school, and together with my parents we came up with a plan and that's just what happened. Today I have a lovely 20-year-old daughter and also a strapping 17-year-old son.

What I found out yesterday is that I'm the one that came up with the plan -- to find a place to live where the landlords could also provide childcare. Quite honestly I thought it was something that my parents and I came up with together. . . . to my surprise, my mom told me that I came to them and had it all figured out. I knew what would work best and with their support I could do it. I admitted to her that honestly I didn't remember how we came up with the idea . . . people usually point out that I'm excellent at remembering details, things that happened in the past. I guess that timeframe was fairly stressful for me and it doesn't surprise me now that I don't remember some details. But what hit me was that I was the one that came up with the plan to deal with what fate had given me.

Perfect. Balance.

SO . . . I've settled myself with the fact that fate can indeed hand me whatever it likes, but it's me that makes the choice on how I react to it, and what I do with it. I'm the one that has to be happy with it!!