Another gorgeous day outside . . . although it's been a week or so since we've really seen the sun. I'm going to go for a run today, let the wind blow through my hair and the sun keep me warm. Lord knows by now we shouldn't have to rely on the sun to do that, it's June now! But I should know already that you can't depend on things to happen the way you want them to. Going with the flow and making the best of it is definitely easier.

Seems like every month or so lately there's some big "a-ha" moment that happens and impacts the way I think about things. Often it reinforces what I've known all along and gives me the conviction to keep on truckin', as they say. But there's nothing like conflict and those a-ha moments to really make you think about what is important, what you believe in.

For all the crap we've had to deal with in the last 6 months, I think we're finally starting to get to the root of why my husband and I have the relationship that we do. I always knew I was like my parents, and he like his, but the impact of our upbringing is just now fully coming to the surface. In a way it doesn't really surprise me -- we married young, were almost instant parents, and didn't have the opportunity to just be ourselves. We've known no different than each other and our married life with kids . . . and even though there have been so many times when we've looked at each other and said, "Boy are we glad we had kids young, look at how old we are and they're almost grown! Think of all we can do now!" . . . but it's not turning out quite like that. I mean, in a way it is, but not in the sense I hoped it would.

So this issue -- how we're like our parents. Well every couple must go through this, no matter how old they are, where they live, how they were raised -- it's natural to go through a question period, where you say to yourself, does this person share my morals, my values, my outlook on life . . . what is really important that I share with this person?? Because if I'm going to spend a lot of time with them, it better be good!!! For us, I know we questioned this when we were first a couple, and we still do now. Where you can go awry in my opinion is if one person gets their mind set on something (and they have that conviction I was talking about) and they won't let anything get in the way of that, not even the person that they love, and that loves them back. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic . . . . . . I believe in the dream. I believe that love conquers all. But I'm realistic too and I know that people let their heads rule their heart too much sometimes.

But I also firmly believe that things happen for a reason. In all we've done, all we've been through, it's put us in a position to handle things now. We still share all those things that brought us together in the first place. Things happen now that are habit, for sure -- but if we didn't enjoy them, if it didn't work for us, we wouldn't still do them!! Yes, we're going through question period again . . . but the thing is, we can't have regrets about what we have or haven't done in the past, about what we did or didn't say, because they're over, only the future is ahead of us. That upbringing that our parents were involved in?? That ended a long time ago, and the rest has been up to us. It's what we do with what we have that is important -- and we have so much.

So I'm choosing again to rely on my instincts and just try to go with the flow. Even going with the flow sometimes requires conviction! Hopefully, eventually, the road will seem clearer.